You look so much better in person: true stories of absurdity and success

Assumptions are NOT your friend --

If you're gonna cry, know how to cry --

Keep your day job --

Know the cards and play your best hand --

You encounter more personalities than people --

A spoonful of humor helps everything go down --

Madness without a reason is straight-up insanity --

Get your piece of the pie --

Crying in your oatmeal-soy-almond latte never helps anything --

Get up an hour before you need to --

Don't goober smoocher --

Unless you're *literally* the sun, work doesn't revolve around you --

You don't need to be the top banana --

Don't freak out --

Never say no and say yes --

Build your own A-Team.

Altruism #1: Assumptions are not your friend

Altruism #2: If you're gonna cry, know how to cry

Altruism #3: Keep your day job

Altruism #4: Know the cards and play your best hand

Altruism #5: You encounter more personalities than people

Altruism #6: A spoonful of humor helps everything go down

Altruism #7: Madness without a reason is straight-p insanity

Altruism #8: Get your piece of the

Altruism #9: Crying in your oatmeal-soy-almond latte never helps anything

Altruism #10: Get up an hour before you need to

Altruism #11: Don't goober smoocher

Altruism #12: Unless you're *literally* the sun, work doesn't revolve around you

Altruism #13: You don't need to be the top banana

Altruism #14: Don't freak out

Altruism #15: Never say no and say yes

Altruism #16: Build your own A-team.